Co-Written by an Imposter

PART 1 - "So How'd the Building Blocks Go?"

Personally for me, one of the most essential building blocks when preparing for the draft was close reading Jolly's literature review on chimpanzee consciousness. Not only has it been my first exposure to the type of writing but it had basically been the model I follow and keep in mind when composing my essay through and through. Another building block I appreciated was annotating the Big 3 sources. Honestly, the thought of having to scalp through the documents on my own felt daunting at first, but I was glad that the assignments were there with guiding questions to think about when taking notes. I also was glad for the Safina readings as they helped develop my own stances on animal issues and how I'd want to approach and write about them.

PART 2 - The Minimum

"So how confident are-"

I am confident I shouldn't be writing research papers. Just receiving comments from the first three introduction paragraphs solidified my doubts. When all the composition I've ever written from middle school to now has consisted of nothing but literary analysis - SURPRISE! - my competency to write anything research driven is nearly nonexistent. The paragraph I wrote to provide some form of historical context was labeled unnecessary and now I have no context for the time being. FANTASTIC! Couple that with repetitive sentences and some questionable claims and you've got what? A terrible start. "What kind of STEM major can't write a research paper?" I ask myself as imposter syndrome becomes my new co-author.

"Which objectives do you think you met in an effective way?"

As much as I just want to dismiss my entire essay as trash, I guess the one somewhat redeeming quality is that I think I did well enough to talk about current issues around killer whales. This is especially prevalent in the last study's review section and in the conclusion I believe.

"Which objectives do you think you're still not quite meeting, or still need work on?"

I feel like I've done the bare minimum. I'm just genuinely not comfortable writing this kind of - well, writing. I felt like I was struggling to just do the bare minimum, so I've no awareness of what's beyond it, let alone if I've even accomplished that! I had kept a tab open for the LR body paragraph guide as a constant checklist, but I'm sure my essay isn't enough. I'm much too self aware of my own qualifications to talk about animal science - or lack of so to speak - and that's been a heaving shadow to drag while writing. The dread I feel for having to peer review in the near future is immeasurable. My head can't seem to grasp the fact that I'm just laying facts out from the research and nothing else. It's hard to pick what points of your essay needs work when you're pretty sure your entire composition is a digital badge of failure.

PART 3 - SMC Planning

I'm most likely going to talk about killer whale captivity in oceanariums for my SMC. It feels like the most obvious and familiar issue to discuss. One of my Big 3 actually had observations from killer whales in captivity and makes firm points on why having them in captivity is so harmful for the animals, including the imminent aggression and the reduced quality of life and socialization. I have a few organizations in mind such Whale and Dolphin Conservation or the American Cetacean Society. Another account I follow on Twitter called the Cetacean Team delivers the realities of the issues mentioned.

Apologies to anyone who had to read this and see the inner thoughts on my writing process be so self deprecating. Much like the animals I chose to write about, I just so happen to be a very black and white thinker (courtesy of my therapist who helped me realize this this past weekend). It's either I write the essay well or it shouldn't be bothered to be written anyways. Were it not for the nature of this class, the thoughts I've jotted so far on this blog would be much more vulgar and dark. Alas, I'll have to masquerade with professionalism on my face until then.